Imagine being constrained to the walls of your empty room for the rest of your life…when you should be out exploring the world. You would go crazy too. I understand his chances of survival are slim, but at least he would be free! I’d take the risk, without a second thought. I imagine Sea World doesn’t want to take the risk because it will cost $$$. Not only to transport him back to the ocean, but then to adapt him back to the wild, then to replace him. But if they really truly cared about these animals, they wouldn’t cage them up. Set him free! A few interesting killer whale facts:

- Killer whales are capable of swimming 100 miles in a day.

- Tilikum is the largest Orca in captivity, measuring 22ft 6in long, weighing somewhere around 12,500 lbs.

- The life expectancy of a killer whale in the wild is 50 – 60 years for males, and up to 90 years for females, however, killer whales in captivity live less than 30 years.

- Wikipedia quotes: ‘Wild killer whales are not considered a threat to humans, although there have been cases of captive killer whales attacking their handlers at marine theme parks.’ Interesting.

Some more interesting facts & details can be found at the Whale & Dolphin Conservation Society…

Check out this great article by Ric O’Barry from The Cove, expressing his thoughts on Tilly and Sea World…

The world can’t breathe without us. We create stimulants that awake the brain and speed up your pulse. You breathe in from shock and excitement, alas the un-heightened nature of probability that anything might actually harm you allows you to exhale and feel released until we capture your heart again. Blood is flowing, your mind is processing faster than it ever has before, you can’t blink because you don’t want to miss something. You’re in a new place but you find comfort here. The continuity in the visuals relax your eyes. You are not blinded by the light or lost in the dark. We came here together, we will leave together. This upside down angle in which you see the world is like none you’ve ever seen before. Yet you are content. Your smile slips larger with every breath and you become attached. You want to stay here, call this home. Yet suddenly in the midst of amazement, it disappears. You are flipped right side up and back where you came from. Your eyes burn, its too bright here, visuals aren’t clear and it makes your head pound to the beat of the snare drum. You want to go back. Your heartbeat slows down and you are back to the daily grind, the typical perspective, the colors are dull and you can’t quite keep your eyes open. We’ll come back. We’ll come back for you.

I was flipping through pages of my sketchbook and I found this little gem from a few months back…

Translation:

Passion. Passion. Passion. Be the forward movement. Create the momentum. Listen to your heart. Follow your soul. Chase your shadow. Be the light in dark places. Close your eyes and listen. Breathe in deep, listen to the beating of your heart. Where does it want you to go? What makes it beat faster? Every breath is another moment past, another step forward. Where is it that we want to go? Let us progress.

FORWARD MOVEMENT…Progression.

“The highest function of love is that is makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being.” – Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins

My sister’s been in Rome for a few months. She will probably be here a year, or until they make her leave, hah. I basically told her that as amazing as it sounded to come visit, it is realistically impossible considering the chunk of student loans I pay off each month and the time off I already have to take. My dad bought me a ticket for my birthday…and she didn’t know a thing about it. So my adventure starts something like this…

Orlando flight out delayed. I go on time anyways and get put on an earlier flight which still gets delayed. Instead of a 2.5 hr overlay I hop off one plane right onto another. I get of the plane an wander for about an hour trying to find the bathrooms and the train, I don’t know a word of Italian. I hop on the train on the right…even though my notes say, ‘make sure to take the train on the LEFT’. No big deal, just 30mins out of my way because this was the non-stop train and I needed to stop halfway. I get off, and back on the right train and then to tram #8. I’m lugging around 80lbs of junk a backpack and my wakeskate roller bag with some clothes.

Callie moved into a new place yesterday, I flew in today. No one knew her current or new address. I have the name of the neighborbood, the street she used to live on, the name of the restuarnt she works at and her italian phone #. Unfortunatly she doesnt work till 5pm and its 10am. So I wander her neighborhood a bit looking for an internet cafe and try to call her, no luck. I sit down for a lovely cup of fresh sqeeze, a hot panini , and I finish reading The Alchemist. And as I get impatient or tired The Alchemist reminds me this is my goal right now to surprise her and I must not give up, thanks Paulo Coelho. I continue to drag my stuff around in search for internet, in hope that Callie facebooked me her new address as I asked so I could ’ship her a box.’ No luck. I sit on the curb again on my wakeskate bag, tired of lugging it around, waiting for 5o’clock. It starts to rain so I hop into the nearest cafe for a heineken which is accompanied by Italian magazines and finally a redbull as I start to fall asleep in my chair. The sun comes out and 4pm rolls around and I continue my journey.

I almost get on the tram going the opposite direction because I am always backwards. Might have been smart of me to grab a map at some point. I get off at my stop and ask around for the Pantheon. Some fellow thinks I say Colosseum and walks with me a block in the wrong direction until he realizes I mean Pantheon. I find some building with a bowl on the top and think its the Pantheon. It’s not. I found the Pantheon itself is much more breathtaking. From what I know she works at a Trattoria between the Pantheon and the French Church on Rue de la Rosetta. I go to Rosetta Trattoria, the only Trattoria on Rosetta and the man there says no Callie works there, no Americans work there. Every other restaurant in the area has the word ‘Trattoria’ attached to it. I wander the whole area not realizing the whole area was full of churches and how was I supposed to know which one was the French one. I walk past another place called Trattoria around the bend but its closed. I figure the guy at Rosetta Trattoria must be wrong so I return there and take a seat on my board bag out front. He reconfirms. I take two more laps around in case there is another Rosetta street. It’s nearing 6o’oclock and I have no backup plan, my phone is 20% battery left and I don’t have a power charger converter. Mom & Dad keep checking in. I take a seat outside of the closed Trattoria because it’s my last hope. I call to see when they open and if Callie works there and the lady doesn’t speak English and hangs up on me. I look through the window and there is Callie putting away dishes at the bar. I knock and she double takes and tears of joy start rolling down her face.What a lovely surprise to see a familiar face in a foreign country, especially your family when you are so far away from home.

Lovely adventure today. My feet are tired and my one cone of chocolate gelatto is almost enough to satisfy my chocolate cravings for the week. My grandma, aunt & uncle will be here in a few days as well! There is a wakeboard camp and hour and a half away on Lago De Salto that looks gorgouse like Tahoe. I am going to try to make it there especially considering I lugged that board around all day.  I love the old building and the food is amazing. I wish I spoke a bit of Italian, at least. More to come…

P.s. – I miss you and I wish you were here.

Did I mention I am directionally challenged? I’m really beggining to consider that ‘L’ and ‘R’ tattoo.

I bought a small sketchbok while I was working in LA to keep me sane while my computer chugged away. I left it in my friends car when she came to visit and I just got it back…and now I share with you. Pardon my pitiful excuse for a scanner. I’ll write more things soon. Instead of just sharing pictures. I’m not sure where my writing has gone, but I’ll find it soon.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything deep or any real writing. I wonder why that is. And when I have I am pulling up archives. What is different in my life from this year to the last few years? I used to write more. I used to write a lot. And create…throw paint or hands-on wood art. Where has that gone? I miss it.

Is it the time? Welcome to the real world. I want to go back to school. I need to keep learning, someone to push me…set aside time. My to-do list hits the floor and bounces back up to smack me in the face. But life is about a healthy balance, so somehow I have to fit a social life in there, and wakeskating, and other things that keep me sane.

I need to write. I need to create. But I go to create and I have no fuel. I’m creatively drained…emotionally drained, I can’t even write. How do I shed the list and surround myself by creatives? I need more than inspiration, I need fuel.

- I saw 2 hit and runs this week. We got both licence plate numbers, they drove away too slow. How do people hit a car in front of a ton of people and expect to drive away without getting caught?
- Don’t expect filling in a bubble to bring change, it takes more then that. Be the change.
- I’ve been towed back in on the Ski ‘Cuda 3 times. I quit, should have bought a jetski.
- The weather is epic (minus the wind). Finally hoodies and wetsuit tops.
- My sister lives with me! Hi-ya! Be jealous…
- I’m working on getting my social life back. Less work, more play. (I still work too much, yet I’m broke)
- Power laps on my bicycle, pool time, skating the ramp, and the pool keep me sane.
- Living with 5 girls is never ending fun and no drama. Who knew such things could happen.
- My to-do list is longer than my paper and takes more ink then my pen has.
- I miss Tahoe. I bet Tahoe misses me too.
- When I grow up I want to be a magician.

Reality is nothing more than a state of consciousness. – 5/1/07

That is simply something that hit me on the way home over a year and a half ago. I still think about it. I’ve been busy. When I get too busy to come up with new things, I look back at the old so I don’t leave you hungry with an empty plate. Sorry I’m late. I still have to pick up a roll of film I dropped off 2 months ago and still haven’t had the chance to get. I will be surprised if it’s still there.

I didn’t forget about you. No such thing. Can’t happen. I feel like I might be the new energizer bunny. I can’t stop. I just keep going, and going, and going. I can’t even stop long enough to catch my breath. And if I try it only gets worse because of the anxiety of the things I need to get done. My to-do list just about hits the floor. That’s my own problem. Learn how to say no. What is my time really worth?

Whats new? There is nothing in Oklahoma City, don’t bother. I need more RAM. I got to color all day at work last week. I won Worlds. It’s Passion Week. Status was amazing on Sunday. I worked so long on animating vines for Status, I dreamed I was a vine. Not only was I a vine, but I was on a 1 minute loop. I don’t get it either, it was insane. I ate at waffle house 3x this week. I’m working on prioritizing my life. Bedtime. Photos and mas news asap.

Just a few minor things I am working on…

Convorsation. Conversation. Maybe spelling should be on the list?

This piece was the first of the ‘wood’ series. I made it during at Design Art Theory class as a layout assignment, random? It was fun bringing a drill to class while everyone else had pens and paper. I took some recent ramblings on my view on life at the time and half covered them up with screws. I don’t want to be so easily understood. On another note, I spelled ‘maybe’ wrong four times in the piece. Who does that? Mabye?

It’s interesting to see how much my perspective has changed in the last two years. The glass is more half-full now then it has ever been. The writing is a combination of these two pieces:

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If someone were to look at your life, could they see what it is that you stand for? Do your actions reflect what you claim to believe? The struggle is not to by the word tell people what you believe, the struggle comes when they look at your life and can’t see it because you haven’t left any evidence of your beliefs through your actions. So where they ever really your beliefs? Or simply words you took comfort in?

I just wrote up the Girls Page for Alliance Wakeskate, go check it out. The last one got a serious beat down. I’m interested to see the response…

Photo: JAM

…But today it’s New Orleans. It’s been awhile since I’ve been on a plane, probably since I went home to Tahoe for Christmas. I need to travel more. Tu-tone and I are going to New Orleans today to watch the sunrise, I hear its different there. Hah, no not really. We are going to do work, but that doesn’t mean we won’t get a good taste of downtown on Saturday night. Oh, and he let me borrow his little digi cam, a gift to Jnonymous. Photo’s soon! Today’s airport adventure reminded me of this, so I thought I would share…

12/17/05

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Metal sheets, three feet wide. Frosted windows with random circular cut-outs. Its called modern art. Every gate looks the same, backed up rows of connected chairs. You share your arm rest with your neighbor unless your the lucky one on the end or you have an empty seat next to you. And is that really a good thing? Being unapproachable? A room full of strangers with one simple item in common, a destination. Don’t loose sight of real life here. It’s hard not to get sucked into the corporate conglamatory, supporting something you don’t believe in just because the Starbucks line, although is the longest, moves the fastest and everyone is in it. Screw Starbucks at every corner. Every menu is the same, support your local, original coffee shop. Oh wait, there isn’t one here. Your just a few more hours away and into freedom. Enjoy the irony, the modern science of flying and airport design. Instead of hating on the identical rows of chair from gate to gate observe the variety of people that surround you…

What inspires you? What keeps your engine running? What pulls you out of bed every morning? It’s not work, or school, or the dreaded long day ahead. What are you waiting for….?

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(I was reading ‘Fight Club’ at the time, huge Chuck Palahniuk influence there. Obvious? Haha. It’s 3:34am…I have to be up in 4 hours. Yikes.)

“I’m beginning to feel like true love only exists in fairytales.”

…..old piece, but still my favorite.

Something great is about to happen, but I can’t talk about it.

Don’t you hate it when something amazing is about to happen in your life and you are super stoked about it…and you tell some friends because you are so excited and then it doesn’t happen? You talked about it, so it didn’t happen. And now not only did you let yourself down, but you let down your friends too. So I am just going to hold my excitement inside, hopefully I don’t burst before Tuesday.

Woooo! Tuesday! Come back Tuesday, then we can talk.

Awkward…it looks weird with the ‘wkw’ all right next to each other. Its basically the word of the week, nah, the word of the month. Awkward switches are being flipped left and right. The silent pauses are almost becoming normal. One ‘one liner’ after another, spaced out by awkward silent pauses. And the silent pauses almost request another one in order to break the silence. And I keep going on and on, until awkward becomes normal. It all started with one strange morning of awkward conversations with people I didn’t know well enough…now they are everywhere.

awk·ward
\ˈȯ-kwərd\
1. lacking dexterity or skill
2. showing the result of a lack of expertness
3. lacking ease or grace
4. lacking the right proportions, size, or harmony of parts
5. lacking social grace and assurance
6. causing embarrassment

So many awkward moments in the last month, I don’t even want to attempt to list them…partially out of fear of ‘awkward aftermath’…and other things that could stir when you kick up old dirt. Perhaps not everyone realized the awkwardness, then how might they feel now? Do yourself a favor, embrace the awkwardness.

“You cannot leave something until you love it. The more you hate something the more bound you are to it, and the more you love it the freer you are. So as you love your past you are free from it.” – Living With Joy (In reference to letting go of past painful experiences.)

On another note, Tyler Durden says, “Loosing all hope if freedom.” I used to believe him. Then I found myself numb to my feelings, numb to my emotions, numb to the world. You were close Tyler, but not quite on the ball. Loosing all hope is living life as an empty shell. Finding faith is freedom. Finding faith is confidence to be free and live free. Free yourself.

It’s 3am again. For some reason I am inspired to be creative and work around 12am – 5am. Somewhere along the way I heard you are most creative around the time you were born, I was born at 12:53am to be exact (I checked the paperwork). Perhaps it is just because the sun has gone down at that point, most everyone is asleep, and I have no distractions left.

I’m supposed to be working on t-shirt designs right now. Instead I got sidetracked and stumbled upon this amazing website: We Feel Fine. It is a visually appealing and interactive collection of human feelings from all over the world at each moment in time. I don’t want to spoil anymore, I promise you will enjoy it. It might even make you smile. How do you feel anyways? You tell me, and I will tell you…it’s what friends do.

These are my two most recent pieces and a whole new media I’ve dipped into, throwing paint with chunks of broken glass across a homemade wood canvas. On my left I’ve painted out my ‘My Weakness’. The piece on my right is ‘The Light of My Life,’ created for an inspired by the Status Collective. Big thanks to the one and only JAM for the photo session last night in the street!

I’m busting out some more old writing. For some reason this piece has been on my mind a lot this week…I wrote the first part August 30th, 2006, and the second part (where the situation is flipped) two weeks later. I can’t remember what inspired it or what I was struggling through at the time. But it will make you think…

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More like the quote of my life. Thanks Mr.Hyams.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Nelson Mandela

It’s too easy to judge, too easy to assume.

Open your heart & you will open your mind.

Capture the essence of life.

More insightful things to come…I have handfuls of old, which may be unburied and appear here and there. But I would like to find some fresh insight. I need more time to myself, more time in the day. Or less hobbies, but that option doesn’t make much sense. Is there such a thing as too many hobbies? I’m working on not keeping everything to myself. Share thoughts, ideas, conversations, random inspiration and hopefully encourage conversation, maybe debate, mostly just some sort of deeper human interaction based upon more than the weather.

I don’t do comments, only coffee dates. Haha, that is my quote of the week. Just kidding, I don’t like coffee. But I could always go for a chai latte…Thats actually what scares me most about this internet age, human interaction is fading away. Facebook, MySpace, and iChat are taking over. Comments, comments, comments. I can’t even tell you how good it felt to camp last weekend with no phone and no computer. But really, if you are out there, don’t be afraid to say hi.

I need a new digital camera! I hate posts with no photos. Here is an old holga from Tahoe…I miss it!

Nothing new, just a friendly reminder.

I went to grab my bike out of the garage for a nice afternoon cruise around the lake and it was missing in action. My heart stopped for a minute. I was lost and confused then realized I must have left it outside last night after my ride. I ran outside and around the corner thinking it was gone for sure, and there she was, right where I left her…in front of the garage door. Thanks for not stealing my bike as I left it in our driveway on a fairly busy road all night and day! Won’t happen again…best $20 I have ever spent, and irreplaceable!

Two random events from my bike ride through the neighborhood:

- I almost hit a squirrel on my bike ride,  I thought that was only possible in a car, strange. I’m really, really glad it didn’t happen.

- A little boy tried to race me…we were neck to neck then he disappeared. (not because I hit the NOS button, probably because he was too far from home)