I’m busting out some more old writing. For some reason this piece has been on my mind a lot this week…I wrote the first part August 30th, 2006, and the second part (where the situation is flipped) two weeks later. I can’t remember what inspired it or what I was struggling through at the time. But it will make you think…

A Whole Lot Of Nothing, Nonsense

One day you wake up and everything that mattered the most is gone…

…everything you cared about,
…everything you lived for,
gone.

and it doesn’t even matter.

Your life was just a test, an illusion. No one was real. No one ever even cared. You’re not even real. You were alone in this life. Even your own emotions were false, but you’ll never know it.

If there’s “one love” make it your own, so if your world falls short it won’t take you down with it.

…. so lets flip that situation ….

This life is just a test. I suppose “test” is an understatement. Every little word and every little gesture counts. Every bum that asks you for spare change and you keep walking, is a mark on your record. Every swearword, every lie. Every hitchhiker your drive past…you’re just racking them up.

The poor guy just needs a lift. You wouldn’t know because you’ve never been there. Just wait until it’s your chance and you watch all the cars go by. And the bum, he just needs a bus pass or a sandwich…it’s not much to ask. But that’s the problem. Someone, somewhere along the way opened Pandora’s box and all the horrid habits have decayed the once pure and innocent world. You don’t want to pick up the hitchhiker because odds are he’s the next most wanted serial killer, and that’s just not a risk worth taking. Odds are small, but they’re still odds.

And you don’t want to give the bum your spare change because you worked your ass off for it and odds are half the words on the cardboard sign are false and he will probably just buy booze or drugs anyways.

I’m not even sure where I’m going with any of this, but fact of the matter is there has to be some sort of meaning behind even the slightest gestures or there really is no point, right? I keep getting caught up in the unanswerable questions and in the back of my head all I hear are the words of Ken Kesey,

“The answer is never really the answer. What’s really interesting is the mystery. If you seek mystery instead of the answer you’ll always be seeking. I’ve never seen anybody really find the answer – they think they have so they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries bloom. The need for mystery is much greater than the need for an answer.”

(thanks for that Brandon, its changing my whole outlook…)